Brothers in Arms: Hetty's Revenge
by Bee.Eh.Vee
Summary: Deeks and Callen's 'side trip' during Brothers in Arms provokes Hetty into putting them into lockdown. The first thing they do is to try to escape, of course.


**Brothers in Arms: Hetty's Revenge**

**Disclaimer:** I own not this show called NCIS:LA or The Lumineers' song 'Submarine' (we'll get to that), but this is a follow-up to Brothers in Arms, which is mine.  
**A/N:** This story occurs after Callen and Deeks find their way home after their travels across South and Central America. Below is a quick summary from the final chapter of Brothers in Arms of the injuries sustained:

_Callen pointed at Deeks and blurted out "He has a bullet hole and shrapnel in his leg."_

_Deeks mouth dropped open but he was quick to recover. "It's just a scratch and Jorge got most of it out. He has flash burns and that haven't been treated."_

_Callen turned to face him, "Mild sunburn. You got your brains scrambled by a fist the size of boulder."_

_Deeks matched him and retorted "Bah, didn't feel a thing. You camped out in the jungle, how do you know you didn't get bitten by an infected bug? Not to mention the crunchy ribs."_

_Callen opened his mouth but Hetty interrupted him "Gentlemen! It is clear that the first place you will be going is a health facility where you will both get full physicals. You will not leave until the medical professionals of my choosing say you may leave."_

Now on to the story...

* * *

Callen was let into a room after the doctor had finished with him and found two beds, a connected washroom, a TV, a poorly concealed surveillance camera, and a pacing Deeks.

"Looks like you were right based on what I overheard during the very thorough physical I just had." Callen's voice stopped Deeks at his turn.

"Seriously? I was hoping they were joking. Hetty's really going to keep us locked up in here?"

"It looks like it. Apparently she wants us to be 'good and healed' before the doctors let us leave." Callen hooked his fingers around the quote and rolled his eyes.

Deeks pouted. "I have things to do…I can't do them in here."

"Like hit on girls? There's got to be a couple nurses."

"No, the waves were supposed to be really good this month. I missed most of it thanks to our trip down south, but I thought I'd be able to get one weekend in."

A knock at the door pulled their attention and they watched as a man walked in carrying a tray of two little cups holding pills.

They each grabbed the one they were pointed towards and downed them. Deeks, in attempt to make small talk started asking the man about the facility they were presently locked in. He ended up getting short answers but when it came to his question about hot nurses, the man barked a laugh.

"We were asked to have only male nurses attending to you. Something about soulful blue eyes and pouting. There'll be no seducing your way out of lockdown." With that he turned and left the room.

Deeks turned his head to Callen and pouted, "There's no nurses…I'm so depressed."

Callen smirked, "Focus, it looks like we'll be getting out of here anyway."

Deeks' eyebrows hit his hairline. "How?"

Callen waved him over and placed his back to the camera. He opened his hand to reveal some dental picks. He whispered "These can double as lock picks. I just need you to distract the camera and stand in its line of sight while I get the door open."

"Why…where…never mind. I have an idea." He stood in front of the camera in its sightline and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth and started in on a surprisingly on-key rendition of a song with somewhat ridiculous lyrics:

_I believe submarines  
__Underneath deep blue seas  
__Saw the flags: Japanese  
__No one will believe me_

Callen smirked at the lock as he got the dental picks in and started wiggling.

_Ran back to the town bar  
__And I told the people how  
__I had seen the submarine  
__And everyone laughed aloud _

Unfortunately the picks weren't created for this job so it was taking him a bit longer than normal.

_I did spy periscopes  
__Dead of night on the eastern coast  
__The police made them jokes  
__Told me I'd seen a ghost_

Deeks was doing his best, even twirling occasionally. If the guy watching the camera wasn't completely focussed on the antics, he was dead inside.

_Everyone thinks I'm a liar  
__No one knows the truth  
__If it was a bigger fire  
__I would be on the roof_

Callen found the tumblers and was almost there.

_Ships will rust in Baldwin Bay  
__(Let me go!)  
__No one trusts what I say  
__(I don't know!)  
__Oh my God, no one paid  
__(Attention!)  
__Overnight my hair turned gray  
__(Oh oh oh!)_

Deeks decided to play both the singer and the background vocals, twisting from side to side to demonstrate the call-and-respond of the song.

_In the end it boils down to credibility  
__I had none, so I will die with the secrets of the sea  
__(Submarine! Can't find me! Submarine!)  
__Submarine...  
__(Submarine!)_

Just as Deeks shouted out the last line Callen felt the tumblers fall into place and the door clicked open. He peeked over his shoulder to see Deeks bent down in a dramatic bow and jerked his head at him. He spun on his heel and followed Callen out the door and around the corner.

Just in time to find themselves face to face with a pair of armed guards. The one on the right held pulled his phone off of his belt as it buzzed, listened for a moment, and then put it on speaker.

"Going somewhere?" Hetty's voice filtered through the speaker, but the amusement in her tone made it through.

Callen and Deeks shared a glance and went along with it.

"I had to pee." Deeks provided.

"I think I forgot my phone in my hospital gown." Callen added.

"There's a bathroom attached to your room and I took away your phones."

"Aww, how are we going to order in pizza" Deeks groaned and laid a hand across his forehead. He almost swooned right in front of the guards.

"Mr. Deeks. No more antics. I saw your performance, and although I admire your love of the arts, there will be no musical theatre for the duration of your stay."

Deeks pouted. Again.

"Mr. Callen, please relinquish the dental picks to the men in front of you." Callen sighed and handed them over. "And the backups you have in your pocket." He sighed, dug them out and passed them over. "And the ones in your shoe." Callen looked shocked but pulled them out as well. He schooled his features from revealing that he had another pair in his other sock, but Hetty didn't ask for them.

* * *

They had surfed the channels all the way through, played 'I Spy' with the limited options present in the room, and bounced up and down on the beds to create their own dents in the mattresses.

They were bored.

Deeks had his arm thrown over his eyes and groaned. "I need cards, a magazine, a pencil to mark the days of our imprisonment on the wall."

Callen was busy counting the holes in the ceiling tile above him and didn't want to lose count so he didn't respond before the knock at the door sounded.

Both their eyes shot to the door and then to each other. They slid off their beds and flanked the door, each of their right hands going to draw the guns they no longer carried. Callen moved to open the door as Deeks stood behind it. A silent count of three and Callen popped the door open a crack (Nobody had fixed the lock yet – turned out Callen hadn't open it so much as broke the insides). Finding no one standing there, he glanced around to find a box sitting at the door. He nudged it with his foot and slid around the door so he could hook it with his heel and drag it into the room.

Deeks shut the door behind him and moved to his side. They stared down at the box and contemplated whether or not they should open it.

Some silent motions and hand gestures decided it and Deeks leaned down to pop the fastener. He slowly raised the lid to find a chess board with the pieces lying in the bottom.

They caught each other's eye and said in unison "Hetty".

* * *

Unenthused by the idea of playing chess, they set up the bishops as goal posts and flattened and folded their pill holders into a flat triangle. They hunkered down on the floor and took turns shooting the paper projectiles into the other's nets.

After that got boring they flipped the pawns on their heads and tried to get all of them spinning like tops all at the same time. It was frantic, but they finally succeeded.

Mission accomplished, they brainstormed other ways to use the board and pieces in any way except the way they were supposed to be used. The board could be tipped on an angle and rooks rolled down them to see which starting position gave the most distance. The pill holders were refolded and a mash-up of bowling and horseshoes had them amused for a good length of time.

They changed the game up to a basketball type where they had to throw, bounce, and roll the wadded up pill holders to different targets laid out on the floor when the orderly came and knocked on the door. Apparently it was bed time. No arguments.

* * *

The next morning they were awoken by a man with breakfast. Deeks pointed out the lack of Jello, but the man stared at him stone-faced.

The lack of table and chairs combined with a disdain for eating off of the wheeled tables that spun over the bed resulted in them sitting propped up against the wall eating off the trays that were balanced on their laps.

Callen grumbled about how proper a breakfast it was – there were eggs, toast, something that tasted like lean turkey sausages, and a fruit cup. Deeks, happy to finally eat a breakfast he recognized, polished off whatever Callen didn't eat. They both agreed that the lack of coffee was a terrible atrocity.

The orderly came back to collect their dishes and to inform them that the doctor would be taking a look at both of them. Deeks was first and the man led him down to the office where they passed a man that looked suspiciously like a locksmith.

The doctor pulled the tape and gauze off of his leg wound and poked, prodded, and tsked.

"I see there's some bleeding still. These stitches must have been yanked hard." The doctor raised his eyebrows, insinuating that the statement was really a question.

"The third black pawn from the left was going down and I had to dive to keep it in rotation."

The doctor glared hard at him and then sighed. "Ms. Lange warned me that the two of you would find ways to impede your healing even in a contained environment. You should be thankful that the man who cleaned you up originally was very skilled."

"I'd send him a thank-you note...if I had paper and a pen." He sent the doctor a look of his own.

"No, all materials that enter that room have to be approved by your boss and pens are outlawed."

Deeks rearranged his face into the most innocent look he could muster and asked "Why?"

The doctor snorted and made a notation on the chart. He made a point to ignore his patient as he continued to check both his chart and the squirming detective.

Deeks opened his mouth for another comment but the doctor spun and leveled a stare at him. "You're on a strict anti-biotic regime. These can be taken as pills or as shots. The shots must go into soft tissue. Your choice." Deeks ducked his head deeper into his shoulders much like a kid caught red handed and sent to the principal would. He pushed his lips together and sat very still until the doctor sent him back to his room.

The doctor sighed and signalled for the nurse to send in the next one after he finished his notations. Half-way there and then a round of golf followed by dinner with his lovely wife. The nurse knocked on the door and nudged in the other one. Callen climbed on the table and gazed off into the middle-distance. The doctor began his examination and it was going fine until he got to the ribs; he pressed and prodded with no response.

"On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being painless, how would you rate the discomfort?" He was focussed on his examination, but when he got no response, his lips tightened and glared at the patient. He repeated the threat he had given to the other man.

Callen scowled and answered truthfully, but grudgingly. The doctor felt it was where he should be so he finished his exam and sent him on his way.

Hello green grass and clear skies.

* * *

Callen was locked back into the room only to find Deeks perched on his bed, scowling at his feet.

"What's with you?"

"He cleaned my in-grown toenail." The words were muffled as Deeks chin was shoved onto his knees.

"So?"

Deeks turned his head to face Callen and worked his eyebrows, eyes, and mouth into a pout. "I didn't know I had an in-grown toenail. He threatened to shoot needles into my butt."

Callen flopped onto his bed. "Me too. He's a bit too thorough." He stared up at the ceiling tile and started plotting.

* * *

It was the dead of night when Deeks swore a pipe had sprung a leak.

"Psst...psst...psst."

He turned his head to the side but the noise persisted. Strange, when he pulled the sheet over his head, the noise got louder instead of softer and it was accompanied by a tapping noise. Finally he grunted in frustration and turned toward the noise. In the dim light that came from under the bathroom door – they left the light on in there – he saw Callen snapping his finger and staring intently at him.

Some blinking did not make the scene go away.

Callen held a finger to his lips signalling Deeks to be quiet. At a voice barely above the hum of the lights in the hall Callen outlined his plan.

"We go out tonight during the chaos of the shift change."

"How?"

The grin that preceded the hand motions was maniacal. After seeing the plans, Deeks understood why. He shook his head and grinned, then nodded his agreement.

Callen mentally counted down until their start time. He flicked his hand at Deeks who slid over to the camera. He hooked the chess board over the camera with a bit of reaching and a lot of luck. It wouldn't stay, but it didn't have to be there long.

Callen stood on his bed and then popped the ceiling tile above his pillow out and lifted himself into the space between the dropped ceiling and the floor above. A quick scan found him the support beams and he shimmied over to wedge himself into them. He put his hand down to guide Deeks up through the hole and soon they were wedged into the ceiling together. Deeks worked the tile back into its hole and they began their trek through the space.

They heard a soft drop from behind them once they had moved above the hallway, so the chess board was no longer blocking the camera. They were quite proud of each other as their combined injuries and the tight space that they were traversing only caused a few hisses of pain and one muffled 'ow'.

Callen led the way over the support beams, staying away from the flimsier pipes, mentally recalling the floor plan below them. Twice he lifted the edge of a ceiling tile to re-orientate himself, they had to back up once, and one other time they had to detour around a heating vent. He closed his eyes and reviewed their pathway. Confident that he had led them where they should be, Callen lifted tiles to find a good place to drop out of the ceiling. A sturdy table beckoned him and together they shimmied over to it. Callen went down first, his ribs only mildly protesting. Deeks came down next, landing on his good leg first. He shifted the tile back into place and then surveyed the place Callen had led him to.

They walked along the wall to the door leading to the outside. Gently they pushed the door open and then closed. In the semi-darkness they could see the sign designating this entrance as the visitor's door. Locked from the outside, but could still be opened from the inside. They grinned at each other, the whiteness of their teeth catching the light.

Unfortunately that light belonged to the headlights of one of the guard's car who was returning to pick up what he'd forgotten. He stepped out of the car and cleared his throat.

The two partners shared a look. "We can take him." Deeks smirked.

The guard smiled at their optimism. "Then those two can avenge me." He pointed at his replacements.

Callen sighed and held up his hands in the universal sign of survival. "We were just trying to get a steak."

Deeks sniffed the guard closest to him, "Have you been surfing? I smell salt water."

Together the three guards herded the partners back to their room. Another plan foiled, they fell asleep planning their next move.

* * *

Breakfast had just been taken away when their doctor stormed into their room.

"I heard about your little adventure last night. People with your injuries should not be crawling through confined spaces. If you'd fallen through the ceiling we would be having this conversation in the ICU." He took a deep breath that was supposed to be calming, but it didn't seem to be helping much. "If you stop with the antics for a couple of days you can be out of here. Stop testing the staff!"

Deeks raised his hand. "We're bored."

The doctor closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "I'll see what I can do." He abruptly left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Callen looked over at Deeks, "so...horse-bowling?"

Deeks smiled, "We need to come up with a better name."

After a couple of rounds, the doctor stalked back into the room with the nurse in tow. "I got you a Playstation with GranTurismo, and since you two are so determined to plan escapes, Risk. Plot on paper not in real life." There might have been a flicker of a smile race across the nurse's face as he set down the equipment. The doctor left the room in a similar fashion, mumbling about children, tantrums, and impossible patients.

Deeks picked up the controller and waggled it. "Race you."

Callen grabbed the other one and set up the system. "Dibs on the Gremlin."

The music of the opening sequence drowned out any protests.

* * *

On the sixth day of their imprisonment, the door opened to show Hetty. They didn't notice at first as Deeks was celebrating triumphing over Callen in their three-day-long game of Risk. Callen was staring at the board, trying to process the last half-hour. He was so sure he had him beat since Deeks had holed up in Canada, desperately trying not to lose his last four territories. Suddenly he had leapt out and taken over North America, then South America, Africa, Europe, and Asia. On the last turns Callen found himself backed into Australia, a good place to be, but with a couple throws of the dice, Deeks wiped him off the map.

"The dice must be loaded. They have to be." Callen said in wonderment. Deeks continued dancing in the corner, pitching cards into the air.

A quiet clearing of the throat, one that is both non-threatening and terrifying at the same time ground the confusion and celebrating to a halt. Callen spun around and Deeks stood still, cards floating down around him.

"Due to your improved health and to save the sanity of the staff, you have been cleared to leave. Follow me to sign the paperwork." She turned on her heel and headed down the hallway, a sly smile on her face. They looked well-fed and they had both lost the haunted look that had accompanied them back home. She heard the sound of footsteps behind her and the high-fiving.

It was good to have her boys back. Fully back.

_Fin_


End file.
